America Is A Sham And The Only Washington Worth Fighting For Is Denzel

There is really no competition when it comes to Washington’s that matter. Washington D.C is out, if that wasn’t obvious enough and not even the inauguration of a new president could change that. Luckily, there is a Washington of importance that has been in the making since 1954. Denzel Washington.

Denzel Washington kicks ass in his films and usually he fights the bad guys (obviously not Training Day, but he won an Academy Award for that role, so there). Often Denzel’s characters fight for equality and a better life for the other characters in his films. The Titans would have never come together to win the Marshall game without Denzel. The same thing can not be said about any activities that happen in Washington D.C. It is uncertain how many American Senators can quote Malcom X, but Denzel Washington was cast as Malcom X. Poor directorial decisions have caused The White House to become a circus, while Denzel Washington on the other hand directed an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

“I’ve never met Denzel Washington,” says Mitchel Willer, an avid movie enthusiast/Twitter user, “but I would trust him with my life. His commitment to his roles and to providing entertainment for all Americans is more commitment than anything I’ve seen from The White House.”

Due to seniority Denzel Washington is the number one replacement. Next in line is Kerry Washington. Shonda Rhimes loves her and she has incredible range. From Django Unchained to Save the Last Dance. The United States desperately needs that kind of drastic change in genre. George Washington was never in the running for replacements and neither were the Washington Capitals.

The United States of America is officially changing its name to the United States of Washington. The Capital, however, is no longer Washington DC, it is wherever Denzel is.

Krystle Meixner
@frickstle